Well 2018 has certainly been one roller coaster ride of a year for me although mainly downs with a few ups scattered in. 2018 has definitely been the worst year for me mentally but there has been positives. I have discovered my real friends and I have also had some achievements. I got my first job after never being able to have one because of anxiety. I also got through assessment week and st in the classroom without having a panic attack like last year and I have even started being more social. I went to a work Christmas meal and am going to a party tomorrow.
That is not a thing I will be saying because it may be new year but i’m not going to change. I am getting better but I think it is an unrealistic goal to say i’m going to be a completely new person because Me at 11:59 on 31st December 2018 will not be any different to me at 00:00 on 1st January 2019. Getting better is not something I want to do because of a new year but it should be something I want to do regardless of what year it is.
Happy new year everyone and I hope you have a lovey new year and remember you can always contact me if you want to talk to me, Thanks for reading,
Broken Rose x
I will be talking about self-harm in this post so if your are triggered by it please don’t read it, and remember you will be okay 🙂
I know I haven’t really written for a while but I have been busy stressing about exams and also I haven’t been doing great. I have self harmed for 3 years now but I have never cut. I just did friction burns. I recently cut for the first time and I am worried because I want to do it again, I have only done it twice but I feel like i need to do it more. Its also bad because with my OCD once I have a routine with something I find it really hard to stop. Now this is going to sound weird but I find it comforting seeing the blood. I don’t know if that’s a normal thing to think. I haven’t done it in a couple days but I feel like I really need to and I don’t know what to do. The rational side of me says don’t do it again. But the irrational OCD side says do it again, you need to, it’ll be easier to do it then not and worry abut how you should do it. Any tips for stopping or if you want to talk to me about anything comment or my emails linked.
Broken Rose xx
Do you ever feel like, what was the point? Well that’s how I have been feeling recently. In May of this year when I should have been near the end of year 12 I left college because I was so bad. Around the time I was not taking any of my medication because I thought if I took it my family would die. With my denying medication since march my doctor decided hospital was where I needed to be. I obviously thought this was a horrible idea as I couldn’t do my night time routine and I didn’t want to move away from my family. This was the point I knew I had to get better, I couldn’t go to hospital. I tried to take my medication and with help from a therapist and someone from a intensive support team I managed to start taking it. I am still taking it now in November. I have been taking it from around August. For a while it worked but i’m deteriorating. My OCD things are getting worse again and I am depressed, i’m hurting myself again. I am back where I was this time last year again. All my hard work for nothing. Except this time I have another weird behaviour I get really happy like i’m on some sort of drug (which i’m not [well except sertraline :)]), then the next thing I know I feel like i’ll never be happy again. I’m worried what is going to happen I won’t get a second chance again. I’m starting therapy again and i’m going to try going to a workshop but I don;t think it will help me.
So I ask again do you ever feel, what was the point?
Please leave a comment if you want 🙂
Broken Rose x
I thought I would talk a bit more about me in this post instead of ranting like I did last time (sorry) :). I’m currently in college doing, geography, philosophy and ethics and psychology. I should be in my first year but I had to leave last year due to my mental health so am back in my first year now. This can be tough as all my friends are in the year above me and are preparing to go to uni next year, i’m nervous as i’ll be alone but I think i’ll be okay. I have a little jack Russel and I absolutely love him. I really want to travel in the future and my dream destinations are New York City and Copenhagen. I enjoy reading I really like John Green and the Harry Potter series. I also really enjoy the Marvel films to. I also enjoy baking and am trying to get back into it because I wasn’t able to enjoy it for a while as I had a problem with touching food. Luckily i’m getting better at that now so I can do what I can bake again!! I also enjoy making collages as I like to be creative even though i’m not very good at. That is one reason I started this blog, which I hope will get better as I don’t really know what i’m doing at the moment.
Thanks for reading, Broken Rose
You know what really annoys me?… It’s when people go ‘i’m so OCD’ or ‘I’m so depressed’. In reality they probably aren’t and it really annoys me. People need to stop using serious mental disorders as an adjective. Liking things in order or cleaning things does not mean you have OCD. Just because you are feeling a bit sad does not mean you are depressed. OCD means spending hours checking your fire alarm is working, OCD means staying awake until you physically can’t anymore because you think you will die if you sleep. Being depressed means laying in bed, not asleep because your scared to remember but just laying there as you don’t have the energy to do anything or even feel anything, being depressed means you want to die leave your family, friends behind because you think their lives would be just soooooo much better off with out you. So OCD is not making sure things are tidy and depression is not just feeling a little sad. Of course some people do find need things tidy but they think that if it’s not something terrible will happen.
Thank you for reading,
Um hi, I’ve never done anything like this before so I don’t know what I’m doing. I wanted to make this a blog about mental health, which is something I know lots about (probs not the best thing). I struggle with OCD, anxiety and depression so its fair to say I know what life is like with mental health problems.
That is all for now so thank you for reading and I hope you’ll come back for more,
Broken Rose xx